My husband, the alien

I have to admit that right now I am praying the baby does not arrive tonight. My husband, after being super sweet all day, sending really thoughtful text messages and checking in with me all day, turned into Dr. Jekyl at 6pm. No sooner had we arrived home (after I had made sure he got his workout in so he wouldn't be cranky) that he started to get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work that lay ahead of us this evening. Nothing out of the usual, but with dinner to prepare, lunches to pack, dishes to clean, swimsuits to hang, and a few cabinets to screw in (one of my nesting projects) he began to...well, panick. And with that panick comes tension, resentment, defensiveness and snide remarks all night long. All aimed at yours truly of course. So now, in the wake of another potential childbirthing night ahead of us, and a husband who I feel completely alienated from at the moment, nothing could be less appealing to me than going into labour. I mean, its his sperm that got me into this mess to begin with and now do I not only feel totally unsupported by my husband but anxious at the fact that if he can't handle our daily responsibilities, how will he possibly be able to deal with them when the new baby comes along? How can I feel at one with someone who makes me feel so alone sometimes? I find myself looking at him wondering if he ever has the same thoughts that I do, and thinking that if aliens were looking in on our lives from another planet, they must be wondering how we can manage to blunder our communication time and time again even though we are speaking the same language. Or are we? It occurs to me that I feel like we are speaking past each other, which in fact we are. In addition to speaking to me in one word sentences and walking into another room while I am in the middle of saying something, my husband communicates the fact that he blames me for all responsibilies that come with family life by constantly sighing really LOUD. He does this in order to send me not so subtle reminders that a) he is still busy working, b) that he does not appreciate how busy I keep him, and c) that he would rather be doing anything else but what he is doing at that very moment. These sighs have a way of digging away at any remaining confidence that I have left in the survivability our relationship and making me feel like Cruella de Vil. I know his entire view of his once lovely wife can now be boiled down into one word: Taskmaster. And why would this view that he holds make me feel loved and supported and secure in our relationship? The long and short answer is, it wouldn't.

Oh mama!

A week or so left...I've been having achy cramps for days now which I never had with my other two until the day I went into labor. So, yes, my mind has been a bit confused lately - it keeps singing "Should I stay or should I go?" The only reason I haven't made any false trips into the hospital lately is because I dont want to freak out my new husband (this is his first!) and cause him undue worry. So I wait and I wait. I'll probably end up waiting so long that I will miss my window of opportunity and have the baby on my own at home or on the way to the hospital in a cab...I also need to have this baby soon because (in addition to myself) I am driving my husband bonkers. So far I have renovated both the laundry room and the downstairs bathroom and have replaced every single outlet and light switch in the house. I told my husband that like everything else I do in the extreme, I also practive "extreme nesting". Needless to say, he didn't find this comment funny as I include him in all my renovation procedures without his consent. As my boss at work always says, it is easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact than to ask for permission beforehand. At least it's more successful for getting your way. Thats all for today - I have to go shovel 55 cm of snow off my driveway so that I can meet my friend for an hour long walk before eating spicy food and having sex with my husband tonight...all in a lame attempt to get that baby out of its cozy little nesting spot!

The No C DIET

This is how I plan on shaping up after the birth:

The No C DIET:

-No Candy
-No Chocolate
-No Cookies
-No Cake
-No Cola
-No Cheese
-No Chips
-No Crackers
-No Cream
-No Cashews
-No Chinese Food
-No Coffee
-No Cheating

Basically - NO CRAP!

I'm sure it sounds easier than it is, but at least I wont have a problem remembering how to follow it...and yes, it is trademarked ;) but feel free to use it...I wonder if my hubby will follow it with me???

Waiting Times

Am I the only one who is frustrated with the waiting times we are facing at our doctor's offices? My last two appointments at my midwives office I have had to wait over 40 minutes while my midwife walked around the office, returned phone calls and chatted with her colleagues - all without a word of acknowledgment. When she finally did call me in, I had to bring up the fact that she was late (yet again) to which she responded that I would have had to wait much longer at a doctor's office and that if I didn't like it, there were "always alternatives" (ie I could find someone else to deliver my baby). Then she added she was quote unquote sorry but that that it was out of her control and that she could not promise us this would not happen again as this was just the way things were....now this certainly did not sound like much of an apology to me or my husband. We both sat there slightly flabbergasted that she was not only not sincerely apologizing but she was condoning this behavior by herself and all other health professionals. Now I realize that sometimes it will occur that emergencies happen and those in the medical profession cannot always foresee what may come up in a day, but here are my issues with her reaction and her attitude that this was now "the norm".

1) She did not even acknowledge our presence or inform us that she was running behind.
2) She did not appear to be the least bit sorry but appeared to be apologizing to make us feel bad for bringing it up. At one point she told us "What do you want me to say? Its been a busy day."
3) She condoned this behavior by acting as if it were acceptable and normal.
4) She said there was nothing she could do - actually in my opinion, she could a) schedule her appointments further apart to allow time for emergencies and b) she could call and let us know that she was running behind.
5) I do very rarely wait at all at my dentist's office. When I have an appointment at 2pm, I get called in at 2pm. The one time he was late he was profusely apologetic and explained to me that he hated waiting at his own doctor's office and that he would try his best not to let it happen again.

Anyhow, my point is, I do not think long wait times (30 minutes or more) should be accepted as the norm. I think we should let our medical professionals know that our time is as valuable as theirs and that besides trying to manage their time in an appropriate manner, at the very least, we should be offered a sincere apology right upfront without having to ask for it.

Three Weeks to Go....

I am so impatient right now! Being a yoga teacher I know I am supposed to savour the moment but all I can think about right now is all the things I am planning on doing once my little one enters into this world! Like....

Lying on my belly again!
Fitting into some clothes that aren't made of elastic or some other stretchy material!
Being able to sleep without having to run to the bathroom 7 times a night!
Breastfeeding!
Having a glass of wine!
Having a glass of wine while breastfeeding (just kidding!)
Taking all kinds of mommy and me classes!

And, further to the last one...here is a compilation of some of the mommy and me classes and activities going in in the Ottawa area:

MONDAYS:

9-11 AM: ONTARIO EARLY YEARS CHILD CENTRE (OEYC) FRENCH LANGUAGE DROP IN
9:30-10:30 AM: BABYFIT CLASS THROUGH THE CITY OF OTTAWA AT FALLINGBROOK
10:15 AM:STROLLERCIZE CLASS AT BOOMERANG KIDS ON BANK STREET WITH JULES
11:30 AM: STARR GYMNASTICS DROP IN AND PLAY (10 MONTHS - 6 YRS) $5 PER CHILD
1:30-3:30 PM: OEYC BABYWELL (FOR MOMS AND BABIES 0-3 MONTHS)
2:30 PM: STARR GYMNASTICS HAVE A BALL WITH MOM

TUESDAYS:

9-11 AM: OEYC ENGLISH DROP-IN
10-11 AM: STROLLERCISE AT BOB MACQUERIE IN ORLEANS
10-11:30 AM: POSTNANTAL 1-8 MONTHS AT UPWARD DOG YOGA IN THE MARKET
10-11 AM: MOM AND BABY YOGA AT WINDHORSE YOGA STUDIO IN WESTBOROUGH
1:15-2:45 PM: OEYC DROP-IN
2-3 PM: BABYFIT CLASS WITH JULES AT THE GLEBE C.C.
2:30 PM: STARR GYMNASTICS DROP IN AND PLAY


WEDNESDAYS:

9:30-10:30AM: BABYFIT CLASS THROUGH THE CITY OF OTTAWA AT FALLINGBROOK
10:15 AM: STROLLERCISE AT BOOMERANG KIDS ON BANK STREET WITH JULES
11:30 AM: STARR GYMANSTICS DROP IN AND PLAY
1 PM: STARS AND STROLLERS AT SILVERCITY IN GLOUCESTER

THURSDAYS:

9-11 AM: OEYC DROP IN FRENCH / ENGLISH
9:45-10:45: YOGA BABY AND PARENT THROUGH CITY OF OTTAWA (LOCATION TBD)
10-11 AM: YOGA MOM AND BABY THORUGH CITY OF OTTAWA AT ST LAURENT
10:30 AM: MOVIES FOR MOMMIES AT RAINBOW CINEMAS AT ST LAURENT MALL
12:30-2:30 PM: BREASTFEEDING SUPPORT GROUP AT MILKFACE IN WESTBOROUGH
2-3 PM: BABYFIT CLASS WITH JULES AT GLEBE C.C.
2:30 PM: STARR GYMNASTICS DROP IN AND PLAY

FRIDAYS:

9-11 AM OEYC ENGLISH DROP -IN
9:45-10:45: YOGA BABY AND PARENT THROUGH CITY OF OTTAWA (LOCATION TBD)
10-11 AM: INFANT MASSAGE THROUGH CITY OF OTTAWA AT FALLINGBROOK
10:15AM STROLLERCISE AT BOOMERANG KIDS ON BANK STREET WITH JULES
2:30 PM: STARR GYMNASTICS DROP IN AND PLAY $5

SATURDAYS:

9-11 AM: OEYC FRENCH/ENGLISH DROP-IN

SUNDAYS:

DAY OF REST!

Four Weeks To Go

Four Weeks To Go and narry a real contraction in sight. Looks like this little munchkin will be as punctual as it's siblings. With both of my other children I counted forwards from the exact day of conception and would you believe it - 40 weeks later - TO THE DAY - and out they popped. The only thing that makes me feel a bit better is that 70% of the expectant moms on the babysite say they are feeling "pretty gross" right about now. I'm not quite there yet, but during my aerobics class this morning I had a hell of a time keeping up with all those young bounding lasses. I felt like putting my weights down and walking out but my pride wouldn't let me give up! Good old ego! At least it serves its purpose once in a while. Yes, if most of you are wondering, I am still teaching both my yoga fitness classes. Believe it or not its easier to teach than to take because you have all that adrenaline pumping through your body when you stand there in front of the entire class. It makes me feel good and normal and allowed me to forget about the eternal wait I still have ahead of me.

And to be honest, most of the time during the day when I'm out and about I still feel quite normal. Except at the hair dressers when I burst out crying because my hair dresser was a half hour behind. But at home its a completely different story. I don't know if its being off work and feeling somewhat isolated during the day or if its the hormones cursing through my body or the anticipation of the most painful few hours of my life looming ahead of me, but boy, I can be a complete nutcase sometimes! Please let me know if any of you moms (or dads) have experienced this! My husband will certainly attest that I am a 100% certifiable. The other night we were arguing (unfortunately this is not anything unusual these days) and one thing led to another and I had tears streaming down my face feeling like the world was collapsing around me. Here's an approximation of how our conversation went:

Me: "You dont love me anymore!" (sob)
Him: "Yes I do."
Me: "No, you love the baby thats coming, you don't love me! Thats the only reason you're still here!"
Him: "Thats not true, I do love you."
Me: " Not as much as you used to. I can tell!" (sob, wail)
Him: "Of course I do, I love you more every day!"
Me: " You're not attracted to me anymore, you think I'm fat, ugly and gross!"
Him: "You're beautiful and you're not fat - you're having a baby."
Me: (wail, cry, wail, moving to hysterical sobs that leave my shoulders shaking and lead to me crouching down in a corner wishing for my mom who is even less understanding and withdrawn than my husband)
Him: (worried as I am now on the floor in hysterics and I refuse to move to the couch) "What is wrong with you?"
Me: (starting to shake violently as I hear this) "WHATS WRONG WITH ME? WHATS WRONG WITH ME? You think I'm crazy, you think something is wrong with me!" (more sobs, more shaking)

And this goes on until I am crying so hard I cant breathe anymore and there is so much snot running from my nose I think I will drown in it. So I calm down and request a tissue. Then since I still cant drop it I again say that he doesn't find me attractive. I tell him I know this because when he dropped off my pajamas for me in the bathroom the other day he never sneaked a look at me in the shower (which he ALWAYS does). I keep asking him WHY? WHY? WHY didnt he want to look? So this time he stays silent because now he really does think I am insane and doesn't want to set me off again...I tell him that he doesn't even want to have sex with me anymore. At that point he grabs my hand, puts it on his crotch and asks whether it really seems like he's not attracted to me. OK, the man had a point. How you could find someone with bloodshot eyes and snot running down their nose who has just had a nervous breakdown a turn-on, I do not know, but the man made his point. Then one thing led to another and 5 minutes later we were doing the nasty.

Anyhow, my questions is, has anyone else experience these wild hormone surges that just turn you from a relatively normal human being into a blubbering, insecure, raving lunatic in the space of three seconds? Please, please please, let me know I'm not the only one (and my husband sure would appreciate it too!)

Thanks for the sharing!