Four Weeks To Go

Four Weeks To Go and narry a real contraction in sight. Looks like this little munchkin will be as punctual as it's siblings. With both of my other children I counted forwards from the exact day of conception and would you believe it - 40 weeks later - TO THE DAY - and out they popped. The only thing that makes me feel a bit better is that 70% of the expectant moms on the babysite say they are feeling "pretty gross" right about now. I'm not quite there yet, but during my aerobics class this morning I had a hell of a time keeping up with all those young bounding lasses. I felt like putting my weights down and walking out but my pride wouldn't let me give up! Good old ego! At least it serves its purpose once in a while. Yes, if most of you are wondering, I am still teaching both my yoga fitness classes. Believe it or not its easier to teach than to take because you have all that adrenaline pumping through your body when you stand there in front of the entire class. It makes me feel good and normal and allowed me to forget about the eternal wait I still have ahead of me.

And to be honest, most of the time during the day when I'm out and about I still feel quite normal. Except at the hair dressers when I burst out crying because my hair dresser was a half hour behind. But at home its a completely different story. I don't know if its being off work and feeling somewhat isolated during the day or if its the hormones cursing through my body or the anticipation of the most painful few hours of my life looming ahead of me, but boy, I can be a complete nutcase sometimes! Please let me know if any of you moms (or dads) have experienced this! My husband will certainly attest that I am a 100% certifiable. The other night we were arguing (unfortunately this is not anything unusual these days) and one thing led to another and I had tears streaming down my face feeling like the world was collapsing around me. Here's an approximation of how our conversation went:

Me: "You dont love me anymore!" (sob)
Him: "Yes I do."
Me: "No, you love the baby thats coming, you don't love me! Thats the only reason you're still here!"
Him: "Thats not true, I do love you."
Me: " Not as much as you used to. I can tell!" (sob, wail)
Him: "Of course I do, I love you more every day!"
Me: " You're not attracted to me anymore, you think I'm fat, ugly and gross!"
Him: "You're beautiful and you're not fat - you're having a baby."
Me: (wail, cry, wail, moving to hysterical sobs that leave my shoulders shaking and lead to me crouching down in a corner wishing for my mom who is even less understanding and withdrawn than my husband)
Him: (worried as I am now on the floor in hysterics and I refuse to move to the couch) "What is wrong with you?"
Me: (starting to shake violently as I hear this) "WHATS WRONG WITH ME? WHATS WRONG WITH ME? You think I'm crazy, you think something is wrong with me!" (more sobs, more shaking)

And this goes on until I am crying so hard I cant breathe anymore and there is so much snot running from my nose I think I will drown in it. So I calm down and request a tissue. Then since I still cant drop it I again say that he doesn't find me attractive. I tell him I know this because when he dropped off my pajamas for me in the bathroom the other day he never sneaked a look at me in the shower (which he ALWAYS does). I keep asking him WHY? WHY? WHY didnt he want to look? So this time he stays silent because now he really does think I am insane and doesn't want to set me off again...I tell him that he doesn't even want to have sex with me anymore. At that point he grabs my hand, puts it on his crotch and asks whether it really seems like he's not attracted to me. OK, the man had a point. How you could find someone with bloodshot eyes and snot running down their nose who has just had a nervous breakdown a turn-on, I do not know, but the man made his point. Then one thing led to another and 5 minutes later we were doing the nasty.

Anyhow, my questions is, has anyone else experience these wild hormone surges that just turn you from a relatively normal human being into a blubbering, insecure, raving lunatic in the space of three seconds? Please, please please, let me know I'm not the only one (and my husband sure would appreciate it too!)

Thanks for the sharing!